Prime Minister’s Questions has become farcical. Owing to Sir Keir Starmer’s non-answers it is now as pointless as the human coccyx, the pelvic bone on a whale, or a drying-out clinic in Mecca. PMQs has become a vestigial curio, a relict of primitive days when voters expected PMs to answer questions.
Sir Keir has abandoned those sweet assumptions. For the second week running – last week on petrol tax, now on the Mandelson scandal – his evasions were absurdly obvious. He just took the mickey. There was barely even a pretence of transparency.
Asked A or B, he replied about Z. Opponents put their questions. Sir Keir danced back to the despatch box and as good as burst into The Goons’ Yin Tong Song. Anything other than having to address the sticky details of l’affaire Mandelson.
Everyone knew he was squirming. It was manifest he was snagged on dishonesty’s barb. Soon the House was laughing at him. Even Labour backbenchers were unable to keep a straight face. I saw new boy Jacob Collier from Burton and Uttoxeter wreathed in disbelief. Ditto York’s Rachael Maskell. A Leftie up in the gallery next to me gurgled in mockery.
Kemi Badenoch had gone straight for the PM’s throat. Last week Sir Keir had tried to ‘avoid scrutiny’ by releasing Mandelson documents moments immediately after PMQs. She was not going to let him get away with that. Did he speak personally to Peter Mandelson about Jeffrey Epstein?
Sir Keir muttered something about ‘process’ and made a hurried apology for the Mandelson appointment. He then started shouting at Mrs Badenoch about the Iran war.
Mrs Badenoch repeated her question: ‘Did he speak to Peter Mandelson?’ Sir Keir said that Lord Mandelson ‘was asked questions’. Blinking angrily, he added: ‘But what about her judgement? She wanted to rush into a war!’ That went on some time.
In this week’s PMQs, writes Quentin Letts, when opponents asked Sir Keir Starmer A or B, he replied about Z – there was ‘barely even a pretence of transparency’
As Sir Keir tried to deflect queries about Peter Mandelson’s appointment by shouting at Mrs Badenoch, the Tory leader simply repeated her questions ‘in the spirit of St Peter’, writes Letts
‘What is he scared of? What is he hiding?’, asked Conservative MP Andrew Snowden, who marvelled at the PM’s evasive replies
Mrs Badenoch, in the spirit of St Peter, had a third go. ‘He has repeatedly told us Peter Mandelson lied to him but he won’t tell us if he actually spoke to Mandelson. If he didn’t speak to him, how can he say he lied to him?’
Sir Keir: ‘The process is clear…’ Up went a whoosh of noise from the Opposition. Sir Keir started complaining about a Tory frontbencher who recently made controversial comments about Muslims.
A more skilful parliamentarian might have got away with it. Clunker Keir could not. The repeated changing of subject was leaden. Galumphing. Soon Sir Keir was on to Tommy Robinson, Hindus celebrating Diwali, Passion plays, Nato, even ruddy Greenland. He had been asked about none of these. Mrs Badenoch: ‘We can only assume he did not speak to Peter Mandelson.’
Speaker Hoyle tried to soothe Opposition protests. Yet he knew Sir Keir was taking the rise out of the House. ‘I’m not responsible for the answers but it’s certainly not Opposition questions,’ said the Speaker twice.
A Northern Irish MP asked if the House would be offered a vote on any further action in Iran. Sir Keir, obsessed with Kemi, screamed: ‘Unlike the leader of the Opposition my principles have been clear and unwavering’. Coming as it did from the great U-turn artiste, that raised a laugh. Which only made Sir Keir angrier.
Reform’s Nigel Farage mentioned oil and gas exploration. Sir Keir started raving again about the war, to groans and shaken heads. And then Andrew Snowden (Con, Fylde) had a turn. With astonishing fluency he returned to the Mandelson affair, marvelling at Sir Keir’s non-replies (‘prescriptive nonsense’). Mr Snowden: ‘What is he scared of? What is he hiding?’ For the umpteenth time, the question was put: ‘Did he speak to Mandelson personally before appointing him ambassador?’
Sir Keir, prickling with indignation, stiff as a banana: ‘We’ve set out the process.’ And then he was off on another rant about the war.
One would like to believe our priggish PM was not in fact a bluffing liar but with every week of this nonsense it becomes harder.
